Vincent D'Onofrio Always Looks Like He's Taking A Shit
Wednesday, October 28, 2009 at 09:17PM 
Hey.
I have to say this right now and there's no other way to say it. Vincent D'Onofrio always looks like he's taking a shit. I noticed this like 10 years ago ago and I've never said anything about it (not even to friends or family!) because it's just a really weird thing to say. Like who pays that much attention to Vincent D'Onofrio?
I do, motherfucker.
I think about him a lot. Probably because of Full Metal Jacket. But yo. Look.
That's Vincent D'Onofrio taking a shit.
This is what taking a shit in 1995 looked like. Also, being Italian. Vinniiiiiie.
The face sells it, but it doesn't help that he's always crouching. Anyone familiar with L&O:CI or any cop show really, knows when a man in a suit is crouching near some graffiti, he's looking at spent bullet casings. But if you're familiar with Vincent D'Onofrio like I am, you'd know he's actually looking for a nice urban patch to take a shit on. Note the symbolism with the fingers. He's trying to tell you.
Another subtle way you can tell Vincent D'Onofrio is taking a shit is sometimes he'll be sitting on a toilet taking a shit. Also he'll be making that terrible face.
Vincent, are you actually interested in my account of witnessing the murder or are you just concentrating on that other thing. Takin' a poooop.
Oh, for cryin' out loud, Vincent. Again, obviously the face, but there is still no better huncher in the business. Motherfucker can hunch!
I told you not to eat that, Vincent! Oh no!
Even in a comedy Vincent D'Onofrio must take a shit. On a bus. Everyone approves. That is pretty funny.
Cockroach in an Edgar Suit? Ha, try Shit in a Vincent D'Onofrio Suit. You just know this guy is a method actor so those coveralls definitely have seen some poop. It's like, motivation.
In The Cell he actually was a shit. Method actors take all that "be the ball" nonsense really seriously.
Dude, fucking stop it. Get off the ground. None of your friends are taking shits on the ground. Just you.
In actuality though, you gotta feel bad for Vinnie D. He probably hates it more than anyone; every time they do a Law & Order photo shoot the art director is like, "OK, everyone look real smoldery, Vincent, take a knee why don't ya."
"Shittin' Time," he thinks to himself.
The picture on the right is the worst because they cropped it for a subway ad:
And whenever I see it, it just looks to me like he's taking a shit on someone's head.
P.S. Hey, The Unit. How about you get three guys that care even less about being on a poster.
Reader Comments (17)
HOLY SHIT that was funny! (pun intended)
I am a HUGE Vincent fan, but I'm sorry, this shit is funny as hell! The scary part is, I never thought about it before, but you're absolutely right hehehe
Maybe that's because he is indeed a shit for the way he treated Greta Scacchi.
Hes not pooping, he's just pooped afterall he does most of the work in CI. Oh how much I love this man and I think they put him on a knee to make the shorties look a bit bigger, and I bet he says a prayer while hes down there. God bless you Vincent/Bobby
He is one of three men in the world who wouldn't have to buy me dinner first. Intense look like that makes me think he'd be great in the sack.
vincent is an exceptional actor and will be greatly missed on law & order. i am a great devated fan. once when i served on jury duty when asked what are some of my favorite shows i very proudly said law & order CI the judge all the jurors the atorneys everyone smiled.
jeff goldblum is greatly welcomed you are a great actor also my husband & i havve followed since the fly
I'm pretty sure that "reneegreene" lady thinks you're Jeff Goldblum.
hey MISTER, Vinnie ain't taking a shit, he knows his shit, because he's sittin' on a boatload of cash, which you are not. Remember envy and jealousy? You just acted them out.
If you notice the pics you are taking from the net are usually scenes from movies/TV shows where he is obviously acting and he is obviously an intense actor which usually requires the look of taking a shit hahaha.....he rarely does comedy....so while doing movies like The Cell or shows like Law & Order Criminal Intent do you expect him to be smiling? LOL
April 13, 2011
I don't think the biased article above (nor the comments) are very nice to say about someone who is a famous actor or not. It's very bad taste to do this not to mention the mean spiritedness of the article, etc. AND, signs of a big coward to write such nasty comments as it is easy to say something derogatory about another online. Those that do this are hiding in cyberspace afraid of facing whatever conflict they may have with this particular actor - face to face. So there. And who in the heck gave U the right to defame anyone...punk!
He is the most gorgeousness of the male species, anyone who has a derogatory attitude obviously has issues ie jealousy..................
He is the most gorgeousness of the male species, anyone who has a derogatory attitude obviously has issues ie jealousy..................
He is an amazing actor! Terribly underrated though. There's a lot of assholes who are jealous of this guy
while he laughs all the way to the bank.
YOU ARE REALLY FULL OF SHIT TO MAKE SUCH A DUMB-ASS COMMENT ABOUT VINCENT D ONOFRIO.
Vinnie is great- I wish I could meet him and massage the SHIT out of him!!! Heee heee, I'm an HHP, and he is definately a VIP with all his tall manlyness! This site is funny, I love it, but I love him more!
woah. in re-visiting this classic HM post, i notice the many many angry, "trolled" comments.
are these real? if so, that is awesome and hilarious.
"you're just jealous!!!" - the internet
Vincent is the most talented actor I have ever seen. He is so far above you poop dudes that you should just go home in shame.
"Hey Patrick! You'd say this on the internet but would you say it TO HIS FACE?!?! Or are you a COWARD that is afraid to take on Vincent in a bout of fisticuffs?!?!?!" - the internet