Art Direction, Motion Design & Illustration by Patrick Hosmer

Terminator Vs. Wolverine: The Pizza

Added on by Patrick Hosmer.

Papa Johns: I'm totes promoting the better movie. Wolverine, bitch. 

Pizza Hut: WRONG. Your tie-in is ridiiiiiic. Look at your site, it's a mess. It looks like a pop-up.

Papa Johns: Eat a peen, it does not! We got mad options and how is the tie-in ridic? X-treme? X-men? X? 

Pizza Hut: I knoooow, but you don't even know it's for Wolverine. Try Chronicles of Ridic more like! Look at me. Dark. Fuckin' apocalypse. Fuckin' Terminator vision. Fuckin' endoskeletons. Fuckin' SALVATION, hello! That's branding, son.

Papa Johns: You don't even show any pizza. 

Pizza Hut: Uh, that's cuz we're sending motherfuckers to Hollywood for like a prize, dummy. Our name is pizza. 

Papa Johns: Your name is fuck and we got promotional trivia on our site.

Pizza Hut: Yeah, let's take a look at that. Wolverine's real name is apparently James Howlett and his favorite toppings are pepperoni, ham and saus- WHAT?

Papa Johns: That's right, bitch. We got fun facts, iPhone apps, limited edish gift cards-

Pizza Hut: Do you have trailers? Exclusive wallpapers?

Papa Johns: What I don't have is a burnt-out storage unit with humanity gone and a Terminator pointing a gun at me. Which I see you have. 

Pizza Hut: Well, you see what you choose to see. I see a successful promotion and a chance to be a VIP and shit but whatevs.

Papa Johns: See? Product. This is what people want. Pizza, dude. 

Pizza Hut: WRONG. People want glamour and escapism. That's why I always do sweeps and play pizza down. Our pizzas are basically the same anyway-

Papa Johns: Bite your tongue! I use only the freshest ingred-

Pizza Hut: Blah blah blah, we use the same things to make the same things. Fact. The only difference is I know where people want to be, and it's not at home iPhoning their pizza. It's velvet ropes, son. 

Pizza Hut: Also, calling your special X-Treme Cheese sounds like you're calling Wolverine extremely cheesy. 

Papa Johns: The plight of marketing pizza.