The Wisest Wizard: Pros and Cons

I associate people telling you about a new drinking game with people telling you about about their dreams. Snoresville City Limits! Pretend to be interested until they're done because you already know you're not into it. The thing about drinking games is they're a big doins; everyone has to play and everyone has to want it. You can't socialize or watch TV (unless the game involves a TV). Everyone says you can, but you can't. You mess up a rule or skip a turn and people get mad. Order dissolves. Everyone questions the reason for playing. Low stakes become high stakes become no stakes. End of game. I tend not to play drinking games.

I made an exception when my friend Sumer told me about a new one called The Wisest Wizard. Here's how it goes:

It's played with beer cans and duct tape. You drink a beer. When you're done with it, grab another beer and tape it on top of the one you just finished. Keep drinking. Keep taping. Eventually, you end up with a wizened old Gandalf staff of empties. One to rule them all, in fact. "This is a great idea," I say. You can socialize, you can walk around, there's no sitting around a table, no keeping mental score, no calling anyone an asshole. No skill required whatsoever. It's not a race either. And it is very funny to see people drink off the top of a long beer pole. Winners all around. It's hardly a game at all! 

 But.

There's a downside. Once you play, it becomes very apparent. Unless everyone at the party is involved, you and your cronies become the court jesters. People stare. They question your motives. You come off as self-interested and braggy. "Great, here comes duder and his ridiculous staff of cans, again. Hey, man. That thing's... really coming along nicely." Also, as another perceptive party goer whispered, "those long can stacks are literally an index of who to stay away from the most." In order to make it seem less fratty and exclusive, encourage girls to play. They make things look fun. 

Another pro: they make cleanup a cinch. Sumer, in case you were curious, chose not to play the game. 

Comments

[Brian]

Pat,
I did start feeling like an asshole once I realized not everyone was in on it. I wasn't trying to be braggy or show off how much I drank...I just wanted a staff. I like staffs.
It's too bad people chose to stay away from me because of my staff. I mean, besides the fact that that's kind of a hate-crime, they missed out because I'm really fun and I don't need no stinkin drinkin game to have a good time.

[Dr Fucktard]

Beer and tape? Edward 40 hands! It's like wisest wizard but with an increased probability of injury and wetting yourself.

[Sean]

Usually, if you are at a party with everyone playing, some rules are made. Not hard to remember stupid rules, but like some stuff like when you reach level 5 (or whatever yall decide) you have to fight a boss/dragon (take a shot) in order to keep leveling up. I added some more hilarious stuff to the game, like you have to be at least level 3 to go use the bathroom, or at 5 you can go out to smoke. Once you are a very wise wizard you can stand in the doorway to the bathroom if a level 1-2 wizard trys to go in and be like "You shall not pass!", by then you should be drunk enough to actually do it.