Hey, Idiot. Get with the times and join the Miracle Whip Revolution. Hell yeah. We're all hangin' out on the roof and eatin' potato salad, bitch. What are you doing, being old? Fuck you. People are always telling us to calm down but enough is enough! Watch our video manifesto and then go wish you were us. Peace.
Oh hey, but if you're one of those coveted Millennials we keep hearing about, do us a solid and head on over to www.Facebook.com and become a member (if you're not already!) and then become a fan of us. We are Miracle Whip! If you're young and sort of a rebel (like us), then you should want all your friends to know that you love to put Miracle Whip (again, that's us) on all your favorite foods. Even pizza! JK.
Hey, upload pics of you eating Miracle Whip!
Come on, guys.
We're nuts! Egg Salad!!
Oh, one more thing, buds. We have a social app that you can download and somehow you can use it to totally fuck up your friends' websites. With the word Zing! Just take 10 minutes and make a second profile (Like your Facebook one, we think) and I guess just write text on your fave blogs. We don't know! Figure it out for us! LOL.
Oh yeah, it only works on Firefox so I guess download that first if you don't use it. You're almost ready to Zing!
Also, please talk like us! Incorporating our marketing language into your real-life young person language would be so huge for us. Really.
Do this for us and we will totally Boom-a-zing you back for it. WE ARE MIRACLE WHIP!