Top Five Movies Featuring Stew

Robin Hood doesn't even know how amazing his life is about to get!

Robin Hood doesn't even know how amazing his life is about to get!

One of the best indicators that a regular Joe is destined for greatness is the presence of a weird pot of brown mush. Stew sets the scene by being plain and ambition-less. Like people. Stew is basically cinematic shorthand for Wait For It.

Here's 5 movies that totally have stew in them: 

Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Gollum: Not happy about the stew

Gollum: Not happy about the stew

Any time a Hobbit stops walking he immediately has to cook food. Fellowship had zero stew scenes so Towers made up for it with two full minutes of fuckin stew content. Long enough to earn that little black pot a SAG card finally.  

Rabbit stew with some Middle Earth greens, 86 the taters

Rabbit stew with some Middle Earth greens, 86 the taters

And when you gaze long into the stew, the stew also gazes into you

And when you gaze long into the stew, the stew also gazes into you

Check out Samwise not even noticing psychotic, schizoid Gollum burning a hole in him, practically vibrating with murderous rage. Look up from your soup, fatso! I can't blame him. That stew is probably so damn good.

 

The Empire Strikes Back

Empire gives us a stew treatment much more common in movies: bad stew. A ginger taste, a sour wince. Good job, Luke, you'll be a Jedi in no time. A Jedi of Acting Like You Don't Enjoy Yoda's Cute Lil Baby Stew.

 

Disney's Robin Hood

Winner: Most Shit-like Stew

Winner: Most Shit-like Stew

Srsly that is a spoonful of poop

Srsly that is a spoonful of poop

Make no mistake: Robin Hood and Little John are the true power couple in this movie and LJ is definitely the wifey. When Robin spaces out (thinkin about Maid Yoko no doubt!) and burns their bachelor breakfast, Little John quickly extinguishes that fire and salvages their sad, shitty stew. Just in time for a dude sesh with Friar Tuck.

So how sad 'n shitty was their stew? Peep the ingredients.

Pepper, water and a carrot. I've seen stew made with less! 

 

Gladiator

Have you noticed yet that stew is a real bro affair? 

Eroticism 101: Holding my stew, I gaze into your eyes while I taste your stew. And this other guy watches both of us, eating his own stew.

Eroticism 101: Holding my stew, I gaze into your eyes while I taste your stew. And this other guy watches both of us, eating his own stew.

This was a real tender moment hidden in between all the epic blood waterfalls and ethnic wailing. A man checking another man's stew for poison. Is there any higher level of trust or sacrifice? Or love?

That stew is straight Hormel style though. Lazy.

 

The Princess Bride

"With potatoes!" - Samwise Gamgee, sobbing

"With potatoes!" - Samwise Gamgee, sobbing

Ok this is the ultimate movie stew, guys. When I first saw The Princess Bride I immediately couldn't wait to grow up into an adult so I could eat stew like this whenever I wanted.

You'll recall this is what Andre "Fezzik" The Giant fed to Inigo "Homeland" Montoya who was very drunk. This was medieval drunk food. They goddamn nailed it. 

Inigo's face nailed it too.

 

Runner Up: Snow White & The Hunstman

This movie wasn't bad! The K-Stew was a little watery though.