All old people deserve to spend their remaining years floating in a balloon house, laughing at it all while giving the middle finger to progress, true. But they don't because most of them aren't strong enough for that and just about all of them are broke. And that's pretty much the biggest bummer I've ever thought of.

I can't stand the idea of old ladies selling their wedding rings for dollars. Man, and I get furious thinking about the creeps that con old ladies into doing it (Hammer, I'm looking at you). Cash4Gold, you are rotten to the core.

But Gold for Cash? Investment! That's just regular old business, like selling butter and eggs and Coke Zero. I honestly don't know who actually buys gold but I do know I didn't feel bad about making these spots.

(You are correct; these are the very same spots you saw on CNBC, Fox News, Bloomberg Business, Home & Garden and Fine Living. Eagle eye, you!)

There's no music or phone number because that stuff got added in LA. The voice in the spots belongs to Gardner Loulan, a former VJ at mtvU. He moved to Los Angeles to live on a boat, I hear.