Art Direction, Motion Design & Illustration by Patrick Hosmer

7 Wearable Items For Tech Geeks

Added on by Patrick Hosmer.

Not that geeks were never proud to be geeks, but If Obama's (staffer is) Twittering then I think geeks can actually start flaunting their tech-sensibilities. They need to anyway; they're the ones getting invited to all the hot parties these days. Here's a sneak peak at some of the hottest tech wearables hitting the streets this summer. 

The Render Shirt

Sweet convo starter at SX Interactive. Great way to get girls to touch your nipple ("hey, can you cancel this for me?"). Convenient way to show you're not interested. Just point to it. If you overheat easily - because you're a nerd - just be like, "Sorry I'm so sweaty. I uh, need more RAM (cocktail shrimp) for this render." And peace out, Coolio.

Mac Keyboard Knuckles 

Now that everyone has super-flat keyboards all those perfectly good keys from the old keyboards are going to waste. Enter the throwback of the summer. Again, endless convo appeal ("let's get out of here" + esc), plus if you ever get in a fight, these hurt like a sonofabitch and there's like a hundred different puns about being old school you can toss out there for crowd support. 

Facebook Tattoos

Celebrate the ephemeral with something 100% permanent. Get an FBT and revel in people not understanding. The best kind of irony is the kind that no one understands at all (it lasts longer). Inevitable: someone will say, "can I leave a comment?" To which you can say, "you aint my friend," and walk away or "you aint my friend YET." 

Make out.

The Photoshop Paint Bucket Cozie

Why fight it; you're a lightweight. Turn your weakness into strength with this beer thing. Now when you get called out for having a fluorescent red face, just turn this thing around and say, "I know, bitch. Cuz I'm operating at a goddamn 2." Laughter explodes like canon fire around you and some idiot will try and change the settings like they're the first person to ever think of that. 

The Google Maps Trucker Hat

Somehow truckers are still kind of a thing (thanks, Judah Friedlander) and there's nothing you can do about it except double down on your snark. People will stare at your hat, so in the extra few seconds you have accumulated while they try and place this familiar symbol, think of an opening line. This will also be a big hit with hip hop dudes because it also looks like a subway line and they love those. 

The After Effects 3D Axis Watch

Holy shit, this thing should be like 25,000 dollars. But wait, aren't you a co-founder of Vimeo or something? You're a millionaire geek, so splurge, son. Buy'em for the whole staff. The clock hands are a little illusion to look like a 3D axis (sometimes) and if you're ever in a room with animators, you'll be Le Shite. If anyone tries to step on your shine, roll up your sleeve so everyone sees the watch, and then keyframe your fist through Z-space into his jaw bone. 

The iPhone Belt Buckle

What do I always say about cultural relevance? When it's turned into a belt buckle it's officially dead. Exploit this rule by taking something that will be indispensable for at least another 2 or 3 years and end up with a belt buckle that lasts just as long. Set the brightness to high, fill your Photo Library with funny pics (try pictures of belt buckles if you wanna be totes meta) and wear that shit. Stays in landscape mode unless you dance real hard.