Art Direction, Motion Design & Illustration by Patrick Hosmer

Those Old Ass Movie Studios Love Their Old Ass Icons

Added on by Patrick Hosmer.

It's funny because Geico can be like, "Yo, I have ADD. I like geckos and cavemen so get off my back, dad." That's allowed I guess, because Geico isn't 100 years old like all these geriatric movie studios with their barely-evolving old-timey identity systems. 

Looook.

Can't you picture this: MGM's next lion is totally going to be CG, but it's still going to be this exact same lion wrapped in celluloid, because METAPHOR! I can hear those old studio head geezers now...

"You don't understand, child. Traditions and Cinema and The Golden Age, etc. Is Nothing Sacred?"

No, nothing is sacred because I just ordered a Terminator Salvation Pizza and I just saw Bride Wars on two different planes and Wyclef can teleport. Movies are processed cheese (mostly) so you studios should stop trying to convince me I'm the kid from Cinema Paradiso. 

Let's peep another one.

Dude. Paramount IS mountains, seriously. Originally there were 24 stars, emblematic of the studio's 24 contracted actors, but now it's 22. Because two of them were super lame, I guess. Come on, Paramount. When are you going to stop being a mountain? Old people are so literal!

Check this out. Paramount's like, "I'm not old. Look, cartoons! For children!"

You know who's my favorite? Columbia. Because when I was little, I had a crush on her. Look with me:

She's Utopia-hot. 

When I was 14, I was convinced Columbia was Susan Sarandon because that's what normal 14 year old boys think. Until about an hour ago, when I'd see the Colombia ID before a movie I'd think to myself, "You go, Susan Sarandon," because that's what normal 27 year old men think. I'm basically a fan. 

But this retro-futurist mama comes with controversy.

Because this logo always involved a real human, there has always been wild speculation over who the different women were through the years. In the early days, chances are it was actresses employed by the studio or models. Whatevs. Cut to me being 14. Annette Bening goes public and says she's the real-life inspiration for the most recent Columbia logo.

"Bullshit. It's Susan," I say.

"Bullshit. It's this woman," says God.

It's Louisiana homemaker and muralist Jenny Joseph. Oh. That's her in a reference photo for the painter Michael Deas

As a bit of Hollywood insideryness LOLs, for the opening bump before the movie What Planet Are You From?, Annette Bening actually was the Columbia lady. She starred in the movie. 

Columbia Tristar, stop being a woman / flying horse combo. 

Warner Bros. (Not Brothers. Legally, it's Bros.) always struck me as humorless. Like the actual brothers weren't happy people or something. Maybe it's because their logo made me think of cops and firemen and other such stern public officials that don't do happy. Detective Joe Friday would drive a car with this ID embossed on the hood, right?

If there was ever a movie studio that took itself mad serious, it's The Bros. 

You what never made sense? The visual combination of Animaniacs - who basically invented ADHD - and the ubiquitous WB shield that was all up in that show. 

But do you notice that between the 70s and 80s all the studios had super minimalist logos? Just a monochromatic symbol that didn't movie? That was the extent of the studios' dabbling with abstraction before going right back to the way it was. Those were the best. 

Here are the rest I couldn't really find many pictures for. 

Disney. Sooo a castle.

"I'm 3D Text. Art Deco 4Evs." - 20 Cent

As a child, I thought this was a real structure like Mt. Rushmore that I could visit and obviously climb. If News Corps was smart, they would've copied Disney and actually made this thing. 

Universal's like: "WB been entertaining the world for 75 years? I AM the world. FOREVER. Also, please watch Fighting starring Channing Tatum."

I stole mad pics from Neatorama