Things James Cameron Wants Us To Know About Avatar

Since it's taken James Cameron roughly 19 years to get Avatar completed, every frame of available footage is worth its weight in platinum and you can bet your sweet bippy you haven't seen anything he hasn't personally OK'd for viewing. The man is a tyrant and a perfectionist but that's great because it means something as basic as a trailer is pure Cameron Poetry. Everything in the trailer is meant to be scrutinized and mulled over. 

Here's what we're allowed to know about Avatar

It takes place in 2154. One hundred and forty five cyber years from now.

1. Harley Davidson is still a company that makes motorcycles or at the very least t-shirts. If it's vintage, it must've cost like 6,000 Space Bucks. Speaking of vintage, nice manual wheel chair in the future. Clearly our hero is a technophobe. Look at his hair. That's classic Act 1 Technophobe Hair. 

2. Co-ed Military! In the same vein as Starship Troopers and Battlestar and Aliens, Avatar will have Privates with all kinds of privates. 

3. Soccer is still a sport in the fyootch. This means there is still some kind of living international community back on Earth. I bet it's Future Soccer with wacky sci-fi helmets and all kinds of animated Tostitos graphics on the field. Like football in 2009.

4. The Douche Dragon Shirt is also still around. Come on, Cameron. Oh wait. Maybe it's foreshadowing. Remember that guy.

5. Girls Only. 

Cameron is big on symbolism but we'll get to that in a bit. Anyone with ugly facial scars is a villain, right, Scar?

And anyone with a cute little facial scar is a good guy, right Duke?

Nevermind. Bro with the Adidas scalp is a baddie, that's all. 

1. Cameron's got a thing for strong women. Despite not being as badass as Vazquez in Cameron's Aliens, Michelle Rodriguez is pretty tough. These two are already too similar meaning Private Rodriguez will likely not die in this movie.

2. Check out Wilford Brimley over there. 

This movie will feature the most creepy sexualization of non-human beings since The Lion King. Nala is so DTF, look at her, gross. Can you feel the love tonight? God, gross. 

So will our Hero Avatar always have those digitally-styled wispy Hero Bangs?

Yep. Also, looks like our resident nerd gets an Avatar too. Looks just like him. 

James Cameron often toggles back and forth between subtle symbolism and really blatant hammy symbolism (i.e. The Horse vs. Motorcycle chase in True Lies). Aliens featured a mighty and dominant military force fighting an indigenous and largely unseen population. It was a movie about how organic low-tech systems can defeat advanced high tech systems through large numbers, home-field advantage and outside-the-box strategizing. It was basically about the Vietnam War. And even though Cameron was drawing parallels between Vietnamese and literal aliens, it was still a pretty elegant metaphor. 

In Avatar, the creatures are now Native Americans, complete with beads and feathers and bows and arrows and even a Pocahontas figure. Not as subtle. Also:

Sigourney Weaver is on the side of the Navajo Na'vi because she rocks the Necklace of Hope under her lab coat. She can be trusted. She will make a stand. She will help The Resistance. 

Speaking of The Resistance and obvious symbolism and knowing Michelle Rodriguez won't die, here she is in what is clearly the 3rd Act with blue stuff on her eyes like Indian war paint because she is now definitely a part of The Tribe. Um.

I forget what my point was. I guess it's that shit is crazy.

1. Potential Legolas Figure

2. Potential Legolas Figure

3. Potential Legolas Figure

Lord of the Rings taught us that the prettiest character can still be the most deadly. All of these lithe, agile creatures could be that one to run up a tree and bow-n-arrow like 200 bad guys to death. There's a lot of potential Legolai talent out there. Guaranteed Cameron was like, "We need a Legolas! Where's our killer dandy that can surf a horse?" Fuck it Cams, they're pretty much all Legolas already.

A century and a half into the future and we're still using traditional mechanized armored transports with large machine guns to take down the regular garden variety Hammerhead Rhino-Dactyl? What is this, The Sisterhood of Traveling Exo-pants? Get the fuck out of here, Kevin. 

Yep, there's Sigourney taking a stand against the Military / Corporation for the Natives. Like a chump, aye. 

James Cameron's obsession with the Military is equal to his love of Blue Collar Sensibilities. This is why all of his characters are either spit-polished jarheads or Ice Road Trucker types. This photo is not from the movie, but rather a town hall meeting in which Cameron, pictured in front, is telling his 300 best friends they'll all have a place in his new movie. 

Since Avatar and Pocahontas fall in love, she must have a local boyfriend who disapproves. The only thing more cliche than the love triangle is for the girl to have a wise and elderly relative who condones it. Either way, I think it's safe to say Pokes has a dude in her life who is probably also some junior authority in the Tribe somewhere who hates Avatar and will fight him and expose him but ultimately accept him as a brother when they fight the real bad guys together. Let's just assume it's this bro. 

Cameron loves to hate a suit. Nefarious Corporations are usually the true evil in his movies (when it's not terrorists or an iceberg) and it's nice to see that fat, stripy ties will always be in style and strictly for assholes. 

Christian Audigier cannot wait for this movie to come out because that thing is getting embroidered on an Ed Hardy shirt so fucking fast. 

Speaking of dragons, remember our buddy with the shirt?

Another popular rule for Cameron is that whenever a character resorts to using his or her sidearm, that is code for desperation and therefore doom. Dragons win.

One more thing about that blunt symbolism: The planet is called Pandora. So it's probably not gonna work out, you know?